Throughout our lives, we learn lessons. Some easier and faster than others. Today, I offer three life lessons that I’ve found to be invaluable: 1) be grateful and kind… even when others aren’t, 2) savor the small stuff, and 3) strive to keep everything in perspective.
At an early age, I sought the advice of those who were older and had more experience, but I never posed it that way. I just asked questions… a lot of questions. I wanted to please others. I thought that avoiding mistakes was a good way to do that. I figured that if I could learn from others’ mistakes, I’d reduce the chances of making the same ones myself. The dual strategy of learning from others, as well as from my own mistakes, often helped me avoid making a mistake in the first place or repeating the same mistake twice.
I’ve learned many lessons over the years. While the learning continues, here are three things I’d tell my younger self early and often.
1. Be grateful and kind… even when others aren’t
Here’s the thing… we can aspire to be and achieve many things during our lives, but who we are and how we do what we do influences the trajectory of the life we live. So, choose to be grateful and kind along the way.
If we’re not intentional, our social media can feed our fears and insecurities. It appears everyone else is better looking, more fit, wealthier, happier and living a better life than we are. The odds are that many may be. However, the opposite is also true. We’re living a better life than many others. My experience fighting cancer in 2020, when thousands were dying of COVID-19 during the pandemic and at the same time so many others faced social injustice, intensified my awareness of this. As bad as cancer was, I had a lot to be grateful for. And I learned that I couldn’t be grateful and sad, depressed, angry or any other emotion at the same time. So, I chose gratitude.
The demands of modern life often contribute to increased stress and anxiety. As we move through the world, we encounter dozens of people. In reality, we have no earthly idea what challenges they’re facing. The person that just cut you off driving to work might be enroute to the hospital because a loved one has just been in an accident. The parent who apparently isn’t aware of their unruly child on the bus may have just lost their spouse to cancer. The boss that just yelled at you for what seems like a trivial issue may have just been served divorce papers. A colleague that’s demonstrating stress behaviors may be concerned about the safety of relatives on the other side of the world. The person that fails to say “thank you” may have something else on their mind or didn’t have someone in their life who taught them manners.
Sure, we may encounter people who are genuinely thoughtless and self-centered. However, you have the power to either react emotionally or respond intentionally. The former is easy. The latter requires effort until it doesn’t.
With intention and practice, you can increase the space between stimulus and response. You have the power to “choose.”
Here’s How:
- Pause: Take a deep breath or two. Gather yourself.
- Process: Acknowledge what’s happening right now and label the emotion(s) you’re feeling.
- Choose: Next, let your emotions subside, then decide.
- Respond: Bring your decision to life, which may take the form of a specific action or simply letting it go.
Each day, we encounter a variety of situations at home and work. While I’m not always successful, I strive to leave everything a little better than I found it. Kindness plays a role in that. It’s readily available, and it costs nothing.
The other cool thing about it is that kindness breeds kindness. It’s contagious!
Several studies, like the one referred to in Research Reveals New Insight Into Why Smiles Are So Contagious, reach the same conclusion: There’s strong evidence that smiles can, in fact, make us happier. According to the Oxford Scientist, A Smile Can Change the World.
Take Action: An easy way to inspire more kindness and gratitude is to “pay it forward.” If you’ve not heard of this concept, the following clip from the movie of the same name explains this powerful idea.
The Bottom Line: People like working and doing business with people that they like. And kind people are more likable. Kind people also often possess other virtues like empathy, compassion, humility and generosity. We have no idea what’s really going on in another person’s life. Your simple act of kindness, offered without any expectation, may make a big impact and cause a positive ripple effect in the world.
2. Savor the small stuff
Life is short so celebrate the moments, not just the milestones. We’re encouraged to think big, so it’s counterintuitive to think small. However, the reality is we have relatively few major milestones over the course of our lives.
Milestones, like graduation, getting married, the new job or company launch, the promotion, purchasing a home are years in the making. On the other hand, we have many more meaningful, sometimes magical, moments throughout our lives. A quiet walk with a loved one on a beautiful day. A hug. A coworker that just “gets you.” An unexpected smile or kindness from a stranger. A simple game of catch with your child or parent. The list is infinite and uniquely yours since you’re the expert on what brings you joy.
Take a moment to reflect on a milestone you reached this year. Was there one… maybe two? Don’t feel badly if there wasn’t one. They’re few and far between. That’s my point. Now, reflect on the past week and remember what made you smile or laugh. There were more of those moments, right?
Take Action: Develop the habit of mindfulness; it’s a superpower. Uncle Google offers more than nine million results for the question “How do I develop the habit of mindfulness?” For me, mindfulness begins with my morning routine at the start of each day.
The Bottom Line: Absolutely celebrate the milestones but periodically pause to be in and savor the moment. Doing so will either bring more joy into your life or – if the moment isn’t joyful – imprint the experience more deeply so that you’ll have a greater appreciation for your next joyful moment.
This too shall pass
Sitting around a table drinking coffee with several other iconic actors and reflecting on the same topic as this post, Tom Hanks said, “You feel bad right now? This too shall pass. You feel pissed off? You feel anger? This too shall pass. You feel great? You feel like you know all the answers? You feel like everybody finally gets you? This too shall pass. Time is your ally. And if nothing else, just wait. Just wait it out.”
Time is your ally. And if nothing else, just wait. Just wait it out.
– Tom Hanks. An American Actor and Film Maker
Scholars traced the origin of this phrase to the works of Persian Sufi poets, such as Rumi, Sanai and Attar of Nishapu. Some attribute it to King Solomon. Whether it was a group of ancient sages or King Solomon himself, all we really know is that these wise words were said or inscribed hundreds of years ago.
Since Tom Hanks is an elder to me, it’s not a surprise that he got there first, but I’d never heard it before he popularized it recently. The sentiment deeply resonated with me, so much so that I would have loved to have learned it earlier in my life. Admittedly, I wasted valuable time worrying – sometimes agonizing – over things that I couldn’t control. At other times, I failed to appreciate how well things were going for me at different times because I was too focused on the future… the next big goal.
Take Action: There’s power in the pause. Pausing is mindfulness in action and contributes to increased clarity, greater appreciation for the work you’re doing and higher levels of happiness and overall job satisfaction. The next time that you encounter an insurmountable obstacle in your path, pause and repeat the phrase “this too shall pass.” For more, read Pausing is the New Productivity.
The Bottom Line: “This too shall pass” is a reminder to be more patient when times are difficult and more grateful when things are going well. Both patience and gratitude are virtues among other character traits that enable us to be and to act in ways that enable us to pursue the ideals we’ve adopted. By pursuing a virtue-inspired life, we’re better able to bring out the best in ourselves and unleash our full potential.
Parting Thoughts
There are many other things that I’d tell my younger self, but these three things are top of mind. They’re important lessons that serve as reminders to me today, and I offer them without cost or obligation to you. If these words move you to reflect and consider a new way of thinking that empowers you to live more fully, then I’m thrilled. If this post is the catalyst that inspires you to take one action today that makes the world a better place for yourself, your loved ones, co-workers or the community in which you live, then I’m humbled and overjoyed.
If you have things that you’d tell your younger self, please share them in the comments. There’s so much we can learn from one another. I, and other readers, would be grateful for your insights.
Inspire on!