From Surviving to Thriving: How to Grow Through Adversity
As I approach the three-year anniversary of being free from cancer, I find myself reflecting on the profound lessons I’ve learned throughout my journey. It has been a time of immense growth, where I’ve come to appreciate the remarkable resilience of the human body, the transformative power of gratitude and the delicate balance between remembering mortality and embracing life. Today, I’d like to share these insights, eager to inspire others facing their own challenges.
The Incredible Resilience of the Human Body
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.
– Mahatma Gandhi
When faced with adversity, the human body has an astonishing capacity to heal and regenerate. My own experience has taught me that our bodies possess an innate strength that can overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles. With the support of a stellar team of medical professionals, friends and loved ones from every corner of my life and my own determination, I witnessed the power of resilience unfold.
Following a course of seven chemotherapy sessions designed to destroy my immune system so that thirty-five radiation treatments to my neck would kill the cancer, I entered a period of intense recovery. That healing process, where my mouth was a war zone, serves as the most difficult thing I’ve endured in my life to date.
Once I made it through the tunnel, thanks to the marvels of medical science, I turned to Eastern medicine for a solution to one of the side effects of neck radiation – dry mouth. I made an appointment with Dr. Lee to explore the possibilities of improving saliva function through acupuncture.
On my first encounter, the doctor had no idea of my medical history. He took my hand, held it and closed his eyes. After a few moments, he said, “Your Chi is very low.” I chuckled out loud and responded, “Doctor, you have no idea!” Then I proceed to share my history and why I was there.
While acupuncture didn’t produce any long-term effects, I’m convinced the experience was an important component of my recovery. That therapy combined with other traditional forms of medicine and my positive outlook on life contributed to where I am today. One should never underestimate the tenacity of the human spirit, for it’s through resilience that we find hope, healing and the will to continue moving forward.
The Transformative Power of Gratitude
Gratitude bestows the richest of meanings upon our lives. It is the source of all virtues, for it opens our hearts to the countless blessings that surround us.
– Bahá’u’lláh, meaning the “Glory of God” and Founder of the Bahá’í Faith
Gratitude has played a pivotal role in my daily life, shaping my perspective and fostering a positive outlook… so much so that I would have loved to have told my younger self how important gratitude was so that I would have learned of its power earlier in my life.
Even in the darkest moments of my battle, I discovered that there’s always something to be grateful for—a prayer offered in my name, a kind word, a gentle touch or the beauty of nature.
While I’ve been grateful throughout my life, the timing of my battle with cancer magnified this for me. I was diagnosed the summer of 2020. That’s right, the pandemic wasn’t enough for me and my family. I had to add cancer to the equation. At the same time, stories of racial and social injustice tragically touched the lives of so many people and dominated the news.
While I was battling cancer, I felt a profound sense of gratitude because I had health care when so many others didn’t. I had a loving spouse willing to accompany me to my treatments and was supported at work and by my community, when so many others faced this and other challenges alone. I felt safe, while so many others feared for their own lives and the lives of their children.
Related: An audio podcast, My Personal Journey with Cancer by Al Viller in his own words.
Gratitude fuels our resilience, amplifies our joy and opens our hearts
For families about to have one child, they can’t imagine having twins. Those about to have twins can’t imagine triplets. Those who are healthy can’t imagine facing cancer. Those adults who are battling cancer with chemo and radiation can’t imagine having a child face the same treatment.
My point here is that each of us faces obstacles, hardships, setbacks and challenges. No matter what you’re facing, you can look around and see others facing something that you can’t imagine facing yourself. So be grateful.
You can’t be grateful and sad… angry… frustrated… insert any emotion here at the same time. Gratitude shifts your mind, heart and spirit to a place where you can think more clearly and be empathetic to others. Life is difficult, yes, and it most certainly will be messy. With gratitude, it can also be incredible, inspiring, even miraculous.
Bahá’u’lláh, a Divine Educator and the Founder of the Bahá’í Faith, offers humanity these wise words: “Be generous in prosperity, and thankful in adversity.” By cultivating gratitude, we shift our focus from what we lack to the abundance that surrounds us. It fuels our resilience, amplifies our joy, and opens our hearts to the countless blessings that enrich our lives.
Balancing Memento Vivere and Memento Mori
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.
– Steve Jobs
Memento Mori, the reminder of our mortality, and Memento Vivere, the call to embrace life, are two sides of the same coin. Today, I wear a necklace that serves as my daily reminder of that.
Coming face to face with your own mortality is sobering. A cancer diagnosis has that effect. How long do I have to live? Are my affairs in order? How can I make the most of the time I have left with loved ones and friends? Am I strong enough to undergo the treatment and remain optimistic for my family?
Recognizing the fragility and impermanence of our existence heightens our appreciation for each precious moment. It urges us to live authentically, to love fiercely and to pursue our dreams unapologetically. Embracing the reality of our mortality liberates us from fear and empowers us to seize the opportunities that present themselves. It also emboldens us to express ourselves in a more transparent way, saying “I love you,” “I appreciate you,” “This is amazing,” and “Thank you” out loud whenever the opportunity arises.
I imagine that surviving any major trauma informs your perspective about what’s important. By asking yourself “Will ‘this’ – whatever ‘this’ is – matter in five days… five months… five years?” What may seem to be a priority initially may take a back seat to something else that is more meaningful.
Finally, for me, I felt a profound sense to make the most of my time on this beautiful blue planet, share life lessons, inspire others to reach their full potential and leave everything a little better than when I found it.
Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary.
– John Keating (played by Robin Williams) in “Dead Poets Society”
Growing Through It Instead of Going Through It
When we’re faced with adversity, we have a choice. We can either go through it or we can grow through it. While we may not see the growth until we look in the rear-view mirror, nurturing curiosity and adopting a posture of learning teaches us life lessons, which we then won’t have to repeat, and fosters growth.
As I celebrate three years of being cancer-free, I’m filled with gratitude for the lessons learned and the growth I’ve experienced. The journey has taught me that the human body is a vessel of resilience, capable of surmounting tremendous challenges. Gratitude has become a guiding light, illuminating my path and infusing every day with joy. And in acknowledging both the vitality of life and the certainty of death, I have discovered the delicate balance that allows me to truly live.
May these reflections serve as a source of inspiration for those facing their own trials. Embrace your resilience, nurture gratitude and remember to cherish the gift of life.
We all face adversity. Rather than simply going through it, choose to grow through it.
– Al Viller