Faith conjures up different emotions in people. Those who are devout possess a strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual conviction rather than proof. While others hear the word and understand it to simply mean “complete trust or confidence in someone or something.”
It’s a journey, not a destination
For me, finding my faith has been a journey. Although I didn’t think of it this way initially, I’ve been walking a spiritual path my entire life and will continue to do so long after I’ve abandoned my physical existence on this beautiful blue planet.
You see, I believe — whether we recognize it or not — that we’re not physical beings that occasionally have a spiritual experience. We’re spiritual beings having a physical experience. Further, we developed faculties — like arms, legs and lungs — in the womb that were of little use to us at the time but quickly became very useful in the world. Likewise, as we progress through this world, we develop spiritual attributes, like truthfulness, generosity, compassion, gratitude and love. While these characteristics are attributes of God and are useful to us and society at large, I believe their true value will become clearer after we pass from this world into the next. But I digress.
My formative years
I grew up in Las Vegas. Yes, “Sin City.” That said, my parents didn’t work in the gaming industry, and we only went to the hotels and casinos for an occasional family meal or when relatives or friends came to town. Initially, I considered myself a Methodist because I attended Methodist services with my family. When I was very young, we attended church on Sundays, but that diminished with time to a few times a year, on traditional holidays like Easter and Christmas. During these early years, I went because my parents went.
Entering my teenage years, I wanted something more. So, I explored a Presbyterian Church because they had a more active youth group. I participated for a while, but I still felt something was missing. Growing up, most of the kids I knew were Mormon or Catholic. But neither of those traditions captured my attention for different reasons.
As I got older, I read the Bible… on my own. I prayed… on my own. And it’s important at this point that I reveal I’m the son of an alcoholic father. I prayed hard. I have a vivid memory of hiding in my bedroom closet during one of my father’s alcohol-induced rages. I was shaking with fear, crying, and desperately praying to Jesus for help. Since my prayers weren’t answered in the way I expected them to be, I lost my faith. I stopped reading the Bible and stopped going to church.
Disillusioned but not without hope
While disillusioned with organized religion, I continued to believe that there was a greater power, God… the Force, Something. However, I questioned the role of Jesus, as a manifestation of God. I also questioned so many of the things that I was taught to accept on faith alone… some things that just didn’t make sense or were physically improbable. I was also disenchanted with so much of what organized religion represented to me, like asking me to tithe by publicly “passing the plate” before they even knew who I was. I became increasingly uncomfortable with someone standing at the front of the room in a robe, telling me how to live and expecting me to blindly accept their interpretation of a passage of text. I noticed followers casting judgment of others and the hypocrisy of those same folks’ cherry picking the religious beliefs that applied to their own lives while casting aside more inconvenient spiritual laws.
As I entered college at the University of California – San Diego, I continued to read and wonder. But I really didn’t clearly see a distinction between individuals like Jesus or Buddha and Plato and Aristotle. Additionally, I didn’t see the golden thread that connected the major religions of the world; I only saw the differences primarily highlighted by the religious leadership themselves. Religion seemed to be the great separator, with adherents passing judgement on those who didn’t share their same beliefs. From where I sat, no one religion had a monopoly with all the answers… especially for the world’s current ills. While I continued to have private conversations with a Higher Power, I didn’t think of it as prayer or have any expectations that something would come out of those conversations.
Meeting my Soul Mate
Fast forward several years and after a few years in La Jolla, CA, I moved to Elkins, West Virginia to be closer to family and pursue my career goals. There weren’t any real opportunities for me in West Virginia, so I set my sites on Washington, DC. While working for an airline publishing company in Northern Virginia, I met a woman who became my best friend and eventually my wife.
Allison is a third-generation American Baháʼí. That’s worth noting because most Baháʼís are from Persia, modern-day Iran, which is the birthplace of the Bahá’í Faith. While the Faith is the most wide-spread religion in the world, second only to Christianity, the number of Baháʼís is relatively small, which is likely why I had never met a Baháʼí before Allison.
Functional families… they DO exist!
As I grew to know her and her family, I noticed that they genuinely liked one another. Their conversations were deeper and more meaningful than those I had with my own family. I would often refer to them as the first functional family I had ever met.
My own family was dysfunctional in a few ways, communication being one of them. Allison’s family, however, excelled at communication. I also noticed how they treated one another, and I became familiar with their view of the world around them. At the same time, I was curious about the Baháʼí Faith since I had never heard of it nor met any Bahá’ís.
While Bahá’ís are encouraged to share information and answer questions about their faith, it’s against their religion to proselytize. Allison never brought up religion until I asked a question. In fact, I obtained the first Baháʼí book I read, Some Answered Questions by Abdu’l-Bahá, after seeing it on her bookshelf and asking if I could borrow it. All of this was refreshing to me because it was very different than my experience with other traditions. In my experience, the followers of other traditions often had an agenda to convert or “save” me. I didn’t feel the need to be “saved.” I had a strong desire to learn, understand, become the best version of myself and live a good life.
I also noticed that the characteristics of Allison’s family that I admired could be attributed to a tenet of their faith. Most notably for me was independent investigation of the truth, the importance of unity and the harmony of science and religion. Additionally, the fact that only Bahá’ís can contribute to their funds was also refreshing because I – not being a Bahá’í – wasn’t expected to contribute nor was I ever solicited to do so.
Science and religion can coexist
The harmony of science and religion was intriguing to me because I needed things to make sense in my mind. I experienced an “ah-ha” moment went Allison shared the idea that the Bible should be read symbolically as opposed to literally. While I was well-schooled in literature and this concept was always available to me, I – for whatever reason – never applied it to the Bible. When I did, you could almost hear the tumbling of the pins unlock inside my head. That one idea enabled me to fully accept so much of what I struggled with previously.
As I read the Baháʼí Writings more, I noticed that the content, tone and structure of the words was unique. Mostly written in the mid-1800s in the Middle East, I came to realize that topics like the equality of women and men, universal education and the elimination of prejudice in all its forms had to be divinely inspired. And for me, that helped reconcile the distinction between the famous philosophers in history and the Messengers of God.
I occasionally struggled with how there was so much division between all the world’s religions because I believed that at their core, the teachings were similar. While each religion may have a different name for the entity they worship, I came to realize that the Entity was the same source of energy. This was the first time I encountered a faith that recognized the religions of the past and honored and affirmed the previous Messengers as sent by God.
The train is leaving…
While I had several conversations about spiritual matters with those I respected over the years, one stands out for me with my wife’s cousin, Jeff Mondschein. Jeff was brilliant, an extraordinary combination of unshakeable confidence mixed with a healthy dose of humility and combined with a quick wit, he brought the ingenuity of his financial expertise to the service of the Bahá’í World Centre, particularly at critical phases of the most ambitious enterprise yet to be undertaken at the heart of the community.
While I didn’t know Jeff well, he empathized with my struggle and helped me realize that I was undertaking that struggle alone.
He pointed out that it sounded to him like the Baháʼí Faith answered all my questions and that one’s investigation of truth is a spiritual journey, not a destination. He rhetorically asked, “Why are you making this more difficult on yourself by going it alone?”
Then he explained that we’re all on a journey of discovery and learning, and the Baháʼí Faith was like a train. Then he said declaratorily, “The train is leaving the station. Why not jump on board!?”
Humbling myself
At every turn, with each new learning, the Baháʼí Faith did answer each of my questions. But I wanted something more; I was looking for some spiritual confirmation, perhaps a dream – an epiphany!
At some point, I realized that thinking God needed to prove something to me was arrogant. Intellectually, it was clear. I had no doubt. But there was one more thing holding me back. The hypocrisy I witnessed with some “religious” people growing up reinforced my desire to avoid cherry-picking the beliefs of a tradition. For me, it was all or nothing. And with studies suggesting that the moderate consumption of alcohol had benefits, I needed to investigate further.
The Baháʼí Faith has clear views on drinking alcohol. Members of the Baháʼí Faith are prohibited from consuming alcohol or using mind-altering drugs such as marijuana, opium, LSD, and other hallucinogenic substances unless prescribed by a qualified physician as part of a medical treatment. Being the son of an alcoholic, I have a strong opinion about that drug. At a young age, I made a promise to myself that if I ever “needed” a drink, I wouldn’t have one. However, I did engage in social drinking and thought what’s the harm? In fact, some studies argue there are health benefits to small amounts. I believed that until…
Talking with Allison about my dilemma she asked me a question. “When you talk to God or pray, what’s involved?”
My response was “primarily my thoughts… ultimately, my brain.”
She pointed out that alcohol has many negative effects on the brain. While alcohol doesn’t really kill brain cells, it damages the ends of neurons, which makes it difficult for those neurons to send important nerve signals. Alcohol may also damage the brain by increasing the risk of strokes, head injuries and accidents.
This left me with the question “if the main way I communicate with God is with my brain, and alcohol is known to have a negative impact on that organ… why on earth would I do anything to damage the only means I have of communicating with God?”
Knowing that several years of drinking had already contributed to some damage, I resolved to abstain from alcohol entirely and haven’t had an alcoholic drink since my early thirties.
The final piece of the puzzle
The final and perhaps most-important piece in my puzzle was family. Family unity can’t be underestimated. I know because I grew up in a family that wasn’t united. While I’m grateful for many things that my parents provided to my sister and me growing up, the often unpredictable and sometimes volatile environment made a lasting impression that shaped many of my beliefs and behaviors.
One of those is the desire to present a united front and convey a consistent message to our children. After Jessica, our first daughter, was born, I began reflecting on that deeply. Walking through various scenarios in my mind, I found that I didn’t have good answers to eventual questions from our children, “If Dad believes what we believe, why doesn’t he participate in Baháʼí activities and community life?”
I had no good answer to that final question. As a result, I declared my belief and became a Baháʼí on the first day of the Baháʼí calendar year (Naw-Rúz), March 21, 1994, which was about seventeen months after Jessica was born and why she has been a Baháʼí longer than I have.
As Jeff so aptly pointed out, my spiritual journey didn’t end there. It merely continued and continues today. As I cross my 63rd birthday, I’m still striving to learn, understand, become the best version of myself and live a good life. For me the journey is so much more important than the destination.
The Messenger of God for Today
My experience and study only deepens my understanding and strengthens my faith. There’s no doubt in my mind that Bahá’u’lláh is the Messenger of God for today. His Teachings guide us to our own spiritual and intellectual growth and also compel us to contribute to the transformation of society through love, unity and justice.
While I’m confident that I’m on the right path, I can only encourage others to seek and investigate the truth for themselves. Everyone has a personal responsibility to do that and reach their own decision. If you’re like me — a life-long learner, recognize that you’re on a journey and conclude everything you learn about the Baháʼí Faith feels right, then I suggest you jump on the train and continue your journey. You’ll find that you have friends all over the world. All are welcome!