Humility isn’t about me—it’s about we. It’s the quiet confidence to know you don’t have to have all the answers and the wisdom to recognize that someone else in the room just might. It means trading ego for empathy, and certainty for curiosity.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.
– C.S. Lewis, British writer and scholar, best known for his children’s fantasy series, The Chronicles of Narnia
For me, humility is about being confident without being boastful, while simultaneously recognizing and appreciating the value of others. It’s what keeps my feet on solid ground. While I strive to graciously accept praise, I’m mindful not to let the words inflate my sense of self.
Why It Matters
In leadership—and in life—humility keeps us approachable. It opens the door to collaboration because it signals that we don’t have all the answers (and we’re okay with that). Humility helps us balance our authority with authenticity. It invites others to contribute, to shine, to grow. And when you’re leading a team, that might be the most powerful thing you can do.
It’s also a way of demonstrating: This isn’t just about me. It’s about us.
Virtues are the essence of who we are. They’re described in the world’s sacred traditions as the qualities of the Divine and the attributes of the human spirit. They’re the content of our character and the basis of genuine happiness.
The mission of The Virtues ProjectTM is to inspire the practice of virtues in everyday life by helping people of all cultures to discover the transformative power of these universal gifts of character. The virtues are spiritual life-skills that help us to live our best lives. As a Bahá’í, I also work to acquire these divine qualities because I believe I’ll need them in the life to come.
A Tale of Two Town Halls
Imagine you’re leading your team through a major organizational or transformational change. You schedule a town hall to keep communication open, and the questions start rolling in. Some you anticipated. Others? Not so much.
- Leader 1 wants to appear strong and all-knowing. He answers every question—even the ones he isn’t sure about. He’s uncomfortable showing uncertainty, so he fills in the blanks. If the answers change later, so be it.
- Leader 2 also answers every question—but he does so with more transparency and a dash of vulnerability. He’s confident enough to say, “I don’t know that yet, but here’s what I can share for now.” He offers clarity where he can, transparency where he can’t, and assures his team that they’ll receive updates as things evolve. When he doesn’t know, he promises to find out and follows through on that promise. When he can’t find out, he acknowledges that and reassures the team: “We’ll work through this together.”
Guess which leader inspires more trust?
Yup… Leader 2!
In our trust-starved world where deception is all around us, people are naturally skeptical. A leader who appears to have all the answers is suspect. On the other hand, a leader who demonstrates humility makes a deposit in employees’ emotional bank account, which will pay dividends in increased trust over time.
Humility allows a leader to be human, and in doing so, creates space for trust, resilience, and connection. It invites the team to lean in—not just on the leader, but on each other.
Lessons from My Father (and a Drip Under Pressure)
My dad had a wonderful sense of humor and a deep well of wisdom—often wrapped in a one-liner. I remember him telling me, with a mischievous grin:
“Be careful with people who go around calling themselves experts. You know what you get when you break the word down? An ‘ex’ is a has-been, and a ‘spert’ is a drip under pressure.”
Then he’d pause, let it land, and say: “Always remain humble, son.”
That line stuck with me more than most leadership books ever did.
He wasn’t saying expertise didn’t matter. He was reminding me that true wisdom doesn’t need a spotlight. The loudest voice in the room isn’t always the most insightful. And real confidence comes from experience, not ego.
A Humble Beginning as a Young Leader
Early in my career, I earned a promotion to lead the very team I had started on as a junior editorial assistant. Just a couple of years in, and I found myself managing people who had trained me, coached me, and likely knew more than I did on most days.
It would’ve been easy to step into the role with a big title and bigger ideas. But instead, I chose humility.
- I approached the role knowing I had a lot to learn.
- I listened more than I spoke.
- I avoided the temptation to change things just because I could (i.e., just because you can, doesn’t mean you should).
- I gave credit generously.
The experience shaped my leadership style from that point forward. It reminded me that humility isn’t weakness—it’s strength under control. And it solidified something I carry with me to this day: a lifelong commitment to learning.
The Fine Line: Humility vs. Humble Brags
Let’s talk about humble brags.
A humble brag is when someone tries to share an accomplishment but disguises it in a way that seems modest—when really, they want the spotlight. It sounds like:
“I’m so exhausted from all these award ceremonies. I just want one evening off.”
You get the idea.
Here’s the thing: there’s a fine line between humility and self-promotion. And it’s okay to want your work to be seen and valued. In fact, it’s necessary to advance in your career.
I’ll admit—for much of my career, I didn’t do a great job promoting my value. I believed that if I kept my head down and delivered excellent work, people would notice. Sometimes they did. But often, they didn’t or if they did, it didn’t materialize in the form of a promotion.
What I’ve learned is this: those who develop the skill to ensure their leadership knows their value—in a way that’s authentic and not over the top—tend to advance in their careers more quickly.
You don’t need to shout. But you do need to speak up. Share your contributions. Advocate for yourself. And do it in a way that invites others along for the journey. That’s not bragging; That’s self-respect.
Virtues in Action: Practice Makes Permanent
Want to practice humility in your day-to-day? Here are a few small but mighty ways to strengthen this virtue:
1. Listen More Than You Speak
- Ask for input before making decisions. Be the last one to speak.
- Genuinely seek feedback, even when it’s uncomfortable, and listen carefully.
- Dig deeper: Read Simon Sinek’s best-selling book, Leaders Eat Last.
2. Share the Credit
- Reflect on who else contributed.
- Elevate others publicly when possible.
- When doing so, be specific. General praise delivers little value. It undervalues those who deserve the credit, and those who are riding on the coattails of others know they didn’t deserve the praise.
3. Celebrate Others’ Wins
- Demonstrate an infinite mindset. Be among the first to celebrate the success of others publicly and privately. Their success doesn’t diminish your own.
- Send a quick thank-you or shout-out when someone contributes. Be sure to copy their leader.
4. Admit When You’re Wrong
- And do it without the word “but.” Be accountable.
- Own your mistakes and share what you learned.
5. Stay Curious
- Adopt a posture of learning in every conversation.
- Replace “I know” with “Go on,” or “Tell me more.”
Humility isn’t a one-time act. It’s a daily decision. And the more you practice it, the more it becomes part of who you are.
Yes, and. When your ego creeps in, be patient with yourself. When you notice it yourself or your accountabilibuddy points it out, own it. Apologize, if it’s appropriate. Learn from the experience and strive to do better in the future.
Parting Thoughts
The higher we are placed, the more humbly we should walk.
– Cicero
We live in a world that rewards self-promotion, exaggeration, shiny resumes. But the people who make the deepest impact are often humble leaders who place a higher value on being of service to others.
Humility keeps us teachable and coachable. It makes room for others. And it creates space for real connection—not just recognition.
Tim McGraw gently reminds us in his song Humble and Kind: “Don’t take for granted the love this life gives you… When those dreams you’re dreamin’ come to you… Stay humble and kind.”
Staying humble in a world that emphasizes me over we, where the loudest voice in the room often gets the most attention, isn’t easy. But, speaking from personal experience, it’s worth it.
Inspire on!
If you liked this article…
You may find the following interesting:
- The Whisper That Yearns to Be a Roar (the article that inspired the series on virtuous leadership)
- Leading with Truthfulness in a Trust-Starved Society
- Beyond the Spotlight – Integrity
- From Oops to Ownership
- Virtues Transcend Boundaries and Cultural Divides
- Exploring Virtues in Leadership(other virtue-related articles on alviller.com)
