An important life lesson I’ve learned is “embrace the nonlinear path.” It leads to a career journey of resilience, purpose and success… as you define them.
When I was young and my father was ill, I wanted to become a doctor. I maintained that desire until my second quarter of chemistry during my first year at the University of San Diego in La Jolla. After that humbling experience and reality check, I considered law and turned my attention to economics since that seemed to be a better course of study for me.
Working a couple jobs – waiting tables and as doorman at a comedy night club – to pay for college and failing to prioritize studying over other things led to a not-so-stellar GPA. So, law school was no longer a viable option. While it took me longer than most to finish college – six years – because of the death of my father, having to repeat a course or two and an unanticipated semester at the University of West Virginia, I became the first in my family to earn a college degree.
That didn’t work. Now what?
With my degree in hand, I set my sites on Washington, DC, where I saw myself eventually becoming a high-powered lobbyist. Influenced by my father’s experience in politics, which wasn’t good by the way, I was drawn to influence the system behind the scenes… not be the one in the public’s eye.
My initial goal, which was an entry-level job to gain experience, was quickly doused after meeting with a few lawmakers on the Hill. The fact that they remembered my father and held him in high regard only got me in the door for a meeting. The US Senator of Nevada at the time spoke candidly with me and patiently explained that he had other constituents – who were still living and would be higher on the list.
Returning to West Virginia more than a little disappointed, I continued my search for job while once again waiting tables at a restaurant and working various jobs at a night club.
Keep Asking Questions
With each experience, I asked myself, “What can I learn from this?” I did learn. I adjusted, set new goals and took action. In my mind, I always thought that success was a straight path. I was starting to realize that it wasn’t.
I eventually landed a job with an airline publishing company in Northern Virginia. I worked hard and long hours. I earned a couple promotions, got married, and we had our first child. I thought I was finally on the fast track to success.
While we could have stayed, my wife and I realized that living in Northern Virginia on our own would have required both of us to work. We wanted to make it with one income so that one parent could be the primary caregiver for our kids. While we only had one at the time, we eventually wanted more.
Taking the Risk
Enter my extended family. During one of our Thanksgiving visits, my brother-and-sister-in-law suggested we move to Atlanta and live with them until we got settled. I interviewed with a few companies before moving, but a long-distance job search wasn’t producing the desired results. We took a chance and moved without either of us having a job.
After a couple months, I was back to waiting tables for a local restaurant. Humbling yes, but I’m not the first man to humble himself to provide for his family. Many women and men make this decision every day as they continue to strive for something better.
Eventually, I landed a good-paying job with benefits. Just in time, too, because our twins were about to be born and living in another family’s basement was about to get very crowded.
Again, I worked hard and put in long hours. Again, I advanced quickly. But I wasn’t inspired by the work that I was doing. I wanted something different; however, I didn’t have the experience to do what I wanted to do.
To make the change, I consulted with my wife to decide what was best for me and our family. Ultimately, I stepped down the ladder, taking a role that was a level or two below my current one. After landing that job, I was in a role where my skills and abilities intersected with my passion. I was happier, learned rapidly and again earned early promotions into a leadership position.
At that point, my career leveled out. While I did earn greater responsibility and an occasional promotion, the company that I worked for went through many downsizings, rightsizings, revectoring – call it what you will – layoffs. Fortunately, I survived the majority of them and helped the company navigate back onto the road to recovery… all except one.
There’s Power in the Pause
You guessed it. During one of the transformational exercises, I was on one of the lists. Naturally, my leader was the one to deliver the news. She was on the verge of tears. Ironically, I saved her a lot of time and anguish by letting her know that I already knew what she was going to say since I had prepared the talking points for the exercise.
After processing the anger, the hurt and the fear – yes, fear since I was the sole provider for a family of five, I paused, reflected, recalibrated, and set my sites on a new goal. I realized that I was good at what I did, and I could do what I do for any company. I had been helping companies say the right things, at the right time and in the right way for years.
At the same time, I became more attuned to the disconnect between what was being said and the business decisions and actions the company was taking. So, I began looking for a company based on its values and what it stood for. I was looking for a company that believed what I believe. Not just in words but in actions.
Around that same time, I came across Simon Sinek’s TedTalk, “Start with Why.” I remember him saying, “People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it. And what you do simply proves what you believe.” That deeply resonated with me.
Cue Purpose
In 2014, I joined Cox Communications. Fast forward a few years, and Alex Taylor, now chairman and CEO of Cox Enterprises, started working with Simon Sinek to discover the company’s WHY. After a lot of work and talking with many leaders and employees, Alex articulated the company’s purpose: To Empower People Today to Build a Better Future for the Next Generation.
Today, the work that I do is tightly aligned with my personal values. I’m in a role where my skills and abilities intersect with my passions, and the leaders I support value my contributions. While I’ve maintained the same title for several years, I’ve advanced in other ways. I’ve also been able to provide for my family and even survived a battle with cancer in 2020. The pandemic wasn’t enough, I underwent cancer treatment during the same period.
RELATED: Luckily, for me, modern medical science, the support of a loving community and the power of prayer make a formidable combination in the fight against cancer. Read >> My Personal Cancer Journey
Trust the Process
As you navigate your career, my suggestion is to follow and trust the process:
- Get clear on what’s important to you and what you stand for. What’s your WHY?
- Determine where your passions intersect or overlap with your skills and abilities.
- Declare your ambition, but set a quarterly goal, then organize the goal like a project and pursue it by taking action. Not sure why, but I’ve found a quarterly approach produces results faster than annual goal setting. (Also see 12-Week Year) Small actions lead to significant progress over time.
- Review your progress quarterly and make adjustments based on your learning.
- Remain open and flexible throughout the process. When things don’t go as you expect — and that will happen — be open and ask yourself two questions “What can I learn from this?” and “What needs to be done next?”
- Celebrate success, big and small. Celebrate the milestones, for sure, but they may be few and far between. When you celebrate the small successes and learning, you’re living life more intentionally and recognizing that the journey is as important at the destination.
- Be grateful. Always! Gratitude is powerful. You can’t be disappointed, angry, frustrated or any other negative emotion and grateful at the same.
- And if you’re like me and believe that everything happens for a reason, it will all make sense when you look in the proverbial rear-view mirror.
The Bottom Line
What’s my point in sharing all this?
For those who have been knocked down, faced hardship, run into the proverbial brick wall, taken two steps forward and one step back or even failed, don’t give up!
No matter how it looks, someone’s success isn’t a straight line on level ground… success simply isn’t linear.
Life is a journey of ups and downs, twists and turn, stops and starts, and unfortunately sometimes there are disappointments and bad things happen along the way. And success isn’t always reaching the top; success is however you define it.
As I look back on my life, I see a large set of dominos – not in a straight line – but weaving in serpentine fashion, with some bricks seemingly separated by too much space. The reality is that when one brick falls, it hits the next one. When that one falls, it knocks over a few more. Sometimes the sequence is fast… sometimes it appears in painfully slow motion. But the brick eventually falls in the direction of the next brick.
Søren Kierkegaard explained it best when he said, “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.” I believe the same is true for one’s career.
Inspire on!
Related reading:
- Start with Why by Simon Sinek
- Finding Your Element by Sir Ken Robinson
- The Search by Bruce Feiler
- NOW, Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham & Donald O. Clifton, Ph.D.
- Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath
- The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho