I recently finished The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. And I’ll be honest; it’s been on my mind since I put it down.
If you have young kids growing up in a digital world, or you’re leading a team full of early-career professionals, this one will hit close to home.
Let me tell you why this book stuck with me. Nothing about it feels preachy. There’s no scare tactic either. What you get is a clear, well-researched look at something most of us sense in our gut but haven’t fully named or discussed, at least speaking for myself and my circles.
Here’s How I’d Put It to a Friend
Think about how childhood has changed since you grew up. Fast forward: consider the pace of change in the last decade. We went from playing pickup football with neighbor kids between light poles to highly organized competitive sports and other activities where every minute is managed.
We didn’t ease into it. We jumped without regard for a net. Kids today are growing up in a world that’s:
- Less physical
- Less independent
- More online
- More visible
- More self-centered and comparison-driven
Haidt describes it as moving from a play-based childhood to a phone-based childhood. That framing makes the rest of the book easier to understand.
A Few Things That Really Hit Home
Several ideas presented in the book felt familiar, but that’s not why they made sense to me. This isn’t about kids being fragile. In reality, Gen Z and other digital native generations are dealing with conditions many of us, even those who are Millennials, never had to face.
Picture growing up where your social world is always on, even when you’re switched off. Add to that a constant stream of unsolicited feedback, whether it’s spoken or not. Over time, it’s easy to confuse—potentially even fuse—your value to what shows up on a screen.
That’s a tremendous amount of pressure for an adult, let alone a young person who’s working to figure out how the world works and their role inside it.
We’ve Flipped What We Protect
This insight made me pause.
Most of us are cautious in the real world. We watch where our kids go, who they’re with, how far they wander. Online, however, the doors are wide open. In many cases, access comes early… too early. That’s especially the case for second and third children. Guidance often comes later, if at all.
If you doubt me, the next time you’re in a restaurant, do this: First put your own phone down. Look around at the other diners. Find a young family, one with two or three children. What are they doing?
Odds are, everyone is on a device. Even the young ones. Each doing something different. Gone are the days of drawing on paper placemats and playing “football” across the dining table with a paper triangle. It hurts my heart.
The impact is showing up in ways we’re only beginning to understand.
Sleep, Focus, and Anxiety are Connected
You can see it without reading a single study, but the research backs it up. Late nights, constant notifications, no real off switch. Over time, attention gets scattered and anxiety creeps in.
It’s not random. The pattern is clear and systematic. It’s also programmed by design.
If You’re Raising Kids Right Now
First the good news. You don’t have to get everything right. None of us do.
As a parent, my goal was modest: be at least one chapter ahead of my kids. In fact, that’s the only reason I opened a Facebook account back in the day. To understand the technology and the channel before we granted permission to our oldest to create an account of her own.
Still, a few choices can make a real difference in the lives of your children:
- Hold off on smartphones and social media longer than feels comfortable
- Make room for real-world play, even when it’s inconvenient
- Protect sleep like it matters, because it does
- Stay engaged without hovering
By taking these simple (yet not so easy) actions, you’re simultaneously shaping the environment and guiding behavior.
If You’re Leading Young Professionals
This doesn’t stop at home. It shows up at work too… more as Gen Z and younger generations enter the workforce.
Maybe you’ve noticed an unusual lack of confidence or pronounced hesitation around risk. Feedback appears to land harder than expected.
Ambiguity creates more stress than usual. When you make a request or offer counsel, the result is the Gen Z stare.
There’s context behind all that. Once you see it, you can’t un-see it. As a result, your approach shifts.
What I’d Encourage You Do
No need for a complete overhaul. A few intentional moves go a long way.
Start with clarity and consistency
People can’t move with confidence if the target keeps shifting.
Make growth feel safe
Let them take action, miss, and learn without fear of being made an example or being defined by it.
Team-up with others
Create a community, talk about real-world experiences, and how you navigate them. Role play and learn from one another.
Teach what wasn’t fully developed
Skills like feedback, prioritization, and conflict don’t always come pre-built. The social skills you acquired during your upbringing may not have been learned by younger generations. Avoid judgement. Invest time and teach instead.
Lean into real connection
A genuine conversation cuts through more than any other message ever will. Show genuine interest. Anticipate skepticism, even name it out loud. Keep coming back. Genuine concern and consistency matter more than you may realize.
AL’s Insight
It’s easy to ask either what’s going on with this generation or what’s wrong with them. Being flip or dismissive requires little time or effort. A better place to start might be acknowledging the world they stepped into and considering how they may have been raised. When you understand that, your response becomes more thoughtful and more effective.
Get curious and you adapt how you lead. For example, consider changing the question. Instead of asking “Do you need any help?” ask “Where do you feel most confident right now, and where could I support you more?”
This Isn’t Just Awareness Anymore
Lately, something interesting is happening. This conversation is moving beyond awareness and into action.
Parents are starting to coordinate with other parents. Schools are rethinking phone policies. Communities are experimenting with what it looks like to reclaim real-world childhood.
You can see it showing up in the mainstream as well. This recent coverage on youth mental health and smartphones, covered in Verdicts against Meta, YouTube reshape legal protections for Big Tech, highlights how quickly this issue is gaining attention and why more people are starting to respond.
That matters because one of the hardest parts of this challenge has been feeling like you’re doing it alone.
You delay access to the phone, but every other kid has one. You set boundaries, but popular culture pulls the other way. What’s changing now is a sense of shared responsibility.
Not perfectly. Not everywhere. But enough to notice. And once that starts, momentum builds.
In fact, you can see this shifting from conversation to action around the world. Australia recently became the first country to ban social media for children under 16, requiring platforms to block access entirely. France has already banned phones in schools and is now moving to restrict social media for kids under 15. Other countries are exploring similar steps.
Parting Thoughts
When I closed the book, I wasn’t discouraged. I was, however, more aware and more concerned. I was also encouraged because the book contains several practical strategies parents (and society at large) can take to help protect and prepare children for the world today.
That awareness brings a choice. We can’t rewind what’s already happened; however, we can decide what happens next.
At home, that might look like setting better boundaries, delaying access to digital devices and social media, and creating more space for play with real-life interaction and without electronic devices.
At work, it could mean leading with more clarity, patience, empathy, and intention. It could also men introducing and facilitating specific training to build a culture where everyone feels psychologically safe, seen, heard, and valued.
Either way, the environment you shape matters more than you realize. And how you do what you do—how you lead—is as important as what you achieve. Today, more than ever before in history.
Your Next Step
If you’re a parent, this book should be required reading.
If you’re leading the next generation, it’s worth your time too.
Afterward, pick one area where you have influence and make a small adjustment. That’s usually where progress begins. Just change one thing about the environment you control or the action you typically take.
You don’t have to do it alone. Find others who understand and are willing to make the same shift.
And a word to the wise: Don’t tell, Show. Light the path for others by putting your own phone away at the dinner table and during meetings. Spoiler: putting your phone face down on the table doesn’t count!
Be fully present. When your question or request is met with silence, be patient. Smile, don’t smirk. Create a safe space. They’re watching, listening and processing.
That’s where momentum starts.
If this resonates, you’ll find more insights about purpose and principle-centered leadership like this at alviller.com. Share it with someone who’s raising or leading the next generation.
Be clear. Be kind. Lead with Light! ✨
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